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“That is not it at all,

That is not what I meant, at all.”

--T.S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock


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The Awesome Power of Procrastination

*Trigger Warning: self-harm The power of procrastination is so awesome that even though I have been without Internet access for several hours and I have things that I think I want to do, I have spent that time lying on top of my bed thinking about how I would do all the things I want to do if I were to do them. Very productive. I think that the ideas I have are worth so much more in my head, I can fetishize every negative feeling and pretend that it makes me special or interesting in some way. But when the thoughts become words that I type out and read back, I realise how banal everything about me is. That's probably the real reason writing blog posts and writing in my journal gets a little harder every time. Here is a quick list of the things I should be doing right now: On Tuesday I had a very intense dream that was terrifying enough to make me feel slightly separate from my body all week. Even now, everything feels a little unreal and abnormal; I haven't stopped

The Attempted Song Writing

There's nothing as sweet as the smell of your sweat
So elusive as the dance that we haven't done yet
Your hand on my waist
My head on your chest
It's heaven, babe.
My sin.
My soul.
My love.

Nothing in this realm is forbidden,
Stuck in my mind, he's amazing
His beautiful smile's excruciating
And I can't stop.

Nothing in this realm is forbidden,
This beautiful world I'm creating
But it all still feels excruciating
I want to stop.

My mind seems stuck on the way that he moves
He's under my skin, like a stab wound
Those rich, brown eyes can be so cruel.
It's torture, babe.
My sin.
My soul.
The tip of tongue taking three steps down.
My sin.
My soul,
My love.

Nothing in this land is forbidden,
Stuck in my mind, he's amazing
His beautiful smile's excruciating
And I can't stop.

Nothing in this land is forbidden,
This beautiful world I'm creating
But it all still feels excruciating
I want to stop.

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