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“That is not it at all,

That is not what I meant, at all.”

--T.S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock

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The Awesome Power of Procrastination

*Trigger Warning: self-harm The power of procrastination is so awesome that even though I have been without Internet access for several hours and I have things that I think I want to do, I have spent that time lying on top of my bed thinking about how I would do all the things I want to do if I were to do them. Very productive. I think that the ideas I have are worth so much more in my head, I can fetishize every negative feeling and pretend that it makes me special or interesting in some way. But when the thoughts become words that I type out and read back, I realise how banal everything about me is. That's probably the real reason writing blog posts and writing in my journal gets a little harder every time. Here is a quick list of the things I should be doing right now: On Tuesday I had a very intense dream that was terrifying enough to make me feel slightly separate from my body all week. Even now, everything feels a little unreal and abnormal; I haven't stopped
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The Mad Girl: Day 13

"None of us have to 'go to' anyone. And the idea we do is a mental illness—we contract it from breath mint commercials and Sandra Bullock. We can’t keep going to each other until we learn to go to ourselves… stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else’s job, and just stop hating ourselves." -- Winger speech, s3e15


It hurts when someone tells you that it's difficult/impossible to love you, but that isn't reason enough to think that they are right. I wasn't expecting to feel better right away, but this isn't the end of the world and anyone who thinks I can't be loved is dead wrong.

Stage 5: Acceptance
I don't know if it is accepting the break-up or learning to live my (more or less new) life as one of the Unlovables. One way or the other, it's over and maybe that can be okay.

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