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“That is not it at all,

That is not what I meant, at all.”

--T.S. Eliot, The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock


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The Awesome Power of Procrastination

*Trigger Warning: self-harm The power of procrastination is so awesome that even though I have been without Internet access for several hours and I have things that I think I want to do, I have spent that time lying on top of my bed thinking about how I would do all the things I want to do if I were to do them. Very productive. I think that the ideas I have are worth so much more in my head, I can fetishize every negative feeling and pretend that it makes me special or interesting in some way. But when the thoughts become words that I type out and read back, I realise how banal everything about me is. That's probably the real reason writing blog posts and writing in my journal gets a little harder every time. Here is a quick list of the things I should be doing right now: On Tuesday I had a very intense dream that was terrifying enough to make me feel slightly separate from my body all week. Even now, everything feels a little unreal and abnormal; I haven't stopped ...

The Mad Girl: Poetry Edition(part 8)

Day 3! I am having a problem I genuinely didn't anticipate: apathy. All day today I didn't feel anything, I didn't think about anything. Or, more likely, I experienced a negative emotion earlier today and just shut down for the day. I have decided to write a poem for today's post and since I couldn't draw on any intense emotion, I decided to fall back on the the Taylor Swift model of writing: describing what I'm doing while describing what I'm wearing. It's not accurate for this evening, but I'm still pretty happy with it(especially since it took 5 minutes to write. Thank you TSwizz!)

Safe, unsound


Slow dancing in my bedroom all alone,
Wine-stained dress with no shoes on.
I could talk to the people who are  just outside
But these days it's just not my style.

Love just feels like an invitation for more pain
And I can't do it again, I can't do it again.

My thoughts stay in my head, safest place they'll be.
I always make sure to have my music with me.
Suffering and existence are forever intertwined.
Anywhere I go, I know exactly what I will find.

 I only try to protect myself from more pain
Because I know I can't do it again, I can't do it again.


I also think this song ties in too. Plus, I really like it:

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